Dentist gets Shanked

Juan Naguila


There was a beautiful day in a really nice city. The new movie Harry Potter II, starring Robert McNoun as Gobby, was about to come out. Everybody was waiting in line. There was a strange man in line wearing a white coat. He sort of looked like a dentist. He was wearing “mandals” and had a weird haircut. I looked at my watch and looked back up to see four porky little elves wrestle the dentist to the ground and stab him. The first elf was using a spoon; I thought to myself, “Why is the elf using a spoon to stab someone?” The other three were cross-eyed and a little like they had rabies.

After the elves were done, they looked like they were running away, but it was sort of like a little limpy run. The dentist was lying on the floor with spoon stabs and a couple of bite marks here and there. Then, some lady screamed, “Quick, what is the number for 911?”

Then, they opened the door to the movie, and I went inside because I did not want to miss the movie over some guy getting spooned to death by elves. "I mean, come on, it is Harry Potter." When I got out of the theater, the man was still lying there, but all that was on my mind was how good that movie was. The next thing I knew a policeman asked me, "What happened?" I told him about the elves; from the look he gave me, I could tell he thought I was crazy. He told me to go stand by his car. I was just chilling there for a bit until the policeman came over to me and asked, "Have you done any drugs in the past 24 hours?"

I said, “No ma’am.” THAT WAS THE TRUTH. The police officer looked at me again with a strange face. I was getting pretty tired of these faces, so I abruptly asked him, "Are you on drugs?”

Now, he was angry. He knew I was being smart with him, so he talked into his little radio. All I heard him say was, “Officer down,” and the next thing I knew, I was tackled to the floor by a policeman named Darius.

When my head hit the concrete, I blacked out. I awoke in a room with padded floors and walls. I tried to scratch my nose because it was really itchy, but I could not reach up. I was in a straight jacket in an insane asylum. When I was told I would have to stay here because of my strange stories about elves, I was upset until they told me I would get three square meals a day and some time to play outside, under supervision of course. After a year of being in an insane asylum, I finally got out and was told that someone had slipped drugs in my milk. I had been tripping the whole day. I also never even went to see Harry Potter. I was watching the popcorn maker make popcorn for two hours. After that incident, I realized that I should just move on with my life and forget this ever happened.